One day at a time

It has been almost a month from the day my right implant was taken out. Since then I have had my drain removed, celebrated my 34th birthday, ordered another breast prosthesis, developed a seroma, had a poking stitch pulled out, scheduled my next surgery for April 9, 2015, had my bi-annual ovarian screening ultrasound, and went to a Boobvoyage party for a friend getting ready for her PBM (which is today), among many other things. It was also breast cancer awareness month, which meant lots of local events representing FORCE and supporting our community. It has been a busy month.

Today, just like any day, I am thinking of my mom. But on this day, I am overwhelmed by grief. It is one year since she died.

I am sad she is not here to celebrate the birthdays, offer her support, or be on the other end of the phone or Skype conversation to share even the mundane little things in life. I am sad that my dad lost his best friend and soul mate. I am sad that my sister is probably feeling the same things I am and that my nephew lost his loving, caring, spoiling-him-rotten grandmother. I am sad that my mom is not here to live her life and take part in ours. I am sad that my family has been so deeply affected by cancer and suffered so much loss. I am sad and still hurting.

Each and every day I think about and miss her.

Fuck cancer!

8 thoughts on “One day at a time

  1. Sharon Greene

    I lost my Mom to cancer in 1992. The anniversary of her death is coming around again November 17. Even 22 years later, these anniversaries are extremely hard. I still miss her very much and wish she was here. I’m sorry for your loss. Fuck cancer indeed!

  2. April

    You have been through so much. I am sorry you had another birthday pass without having finished with your surgeries and on the other side of breast reconstruction. I hope next year this is all a memory. I feel so bad for you and anyone that has lost someone so close to them. I know how very hard the first year of loss is. I cried through every holiday the whole first year after my Mom passed away. I finally told my husband we were not doing anymore holiday dinners that year! Thinking of you…….

    1. nope2BC Post author

      Thank you, April for your warm thoughts. Yes, many years from now this will all be a distant memory. I’m sorry for your loss as well. ❤

  3. helensamia

    Yes i say Fuck cancer lost my dad 28 years ago. My mum never really got over it. Sending you a hug on this day xx

  4. thesmallc

    I understand your pain and i am very sorry.

    One thing that helps me is to write about my mama. Currently I write short stories about our memories together (my grandmother who raised me). Something else that a Dr. recommended to me was to write letters to her, and read them out-loud, as if she was present, listening.

    That love never ends and it’s normal to feel a sense of loss, for a while.

    I am thinking of you.



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