Guess who has two thumbs and the same number of foobs? This .. gal. No, I haven’t had my reconstruction surgery yet, but I did acquire a new breast prosthesis to compensate for the flatness on my left side. I recently said that if somebody is uncomfortable with my lack of bosom, that’s their problem. Well, my thoughts on that haven’t changed, BUT I did realize that I would soon be in a situation where I’d prefer to avoid having these conversations altogether.

Vacay

Hubby and I are going to visit his family in the Caribbean. It’ll be up-close-and-personal and about 85° Fahrenheit, which means my state will be unavoidable and questioned. If I spoke fluent Spanish, I’d say bring it on, but I don’t, so that leaves all the conversating and explaining to my hubby. I just don’t feel it necessary to do this to him. I’m very much looking forward to spending time with his family and enjoying getting away from everything.

How to acquire a foob

So, where do you even start? I remembered that the awesome Miss Casey Eischen – who is a rock star fitness expert, nutrition guru, and herself had a mastectomy with some complications – recently shared that she had a breast prosthesis in need of a home. I reached out and got the package just a couple of days later. I was excited and couldn’t wait to get it opened! Unfortunately, it wasn’t meant to be: the size and shape just weren’t right.

I dug up the name and number a friend shared with me shortly after my removal surgery for a local boutique that specializes in the needs of breast cancer survivors and individuals in need of image consulting. We scheduled a fitting and I obtained the necessary referral from my plastic surgeon. It took a couple of visits and an overnight shipment for us to get the piece just right, but we did it. Here it is, my new friend. Can you tell? The prosthesis is on the right side of the photo. It looks great in the pocketed bra and even better in clothing! I won’t fool the TSA agent reading the images produced by that airport body scanner thing, but I’m confident that I won’t be fielding and attempting to answer uniboob-related questions in Spanish. Yo no hablo mucho español.

I got the prosthesis and two bras. All of the pieces are covered by insurance, but standard deductibles and out-of-pocket maximums apply. Since my insurance plan year just restarted on January 1st, I have not yet met my deductible, so had to cover the total myself. Not a huge issue, as I will have additional expenses with the April surgery and will have to exhaust my deductible and out-of-pocket maximum then anyway. The damage? Around $400. Not too bad. Breast prosthesis: $300, two new bras: $98, consultation fee: $20, not having to answer awkward questions from distant in-laws about your missing boob: priceless.